Sorry, not sorry

I've seen the phrase "sorry, not sorry" quite a bit in these blogging parts of town.  At first, it annoyed the hell out of me.  Think about it.  How are you sorry for not being sorry?  Doesn't that just mean that you're apologizing for the act that you claim your aren't sorry for just to admit that you are sorry nonetheless?  I really thought it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard (for that week, cause lets be honest, the amount of ridiculousness that is encountered on a weekly basis is overwhelming).

Continuing on, I didn't get it...until one day it dawned on me.  I am sorry, but not sorry at least 75% of The events, thoughts, actions and words that I speak on a daily basis.  I am unapologetic for the things that most people should probably apologize for.  And the best part (worst part?) is that I am so disconnected and desensitized that I (at this moment) don't find anything wrong with that.  Lets reflect shall we?

I'm sorry, not sorry...

That I am obsessed with my hair.  Truth

That I choose to take time away from people when I have reached my "emotional overload" rating.  I am always available to my friends when they need me, but on the very rare occasion that I have my own emotional crisis going on, I've learned to take time way so that I can better myself and thus be better for them.  I do not apologize for taking a mental health break, even if it means that something gets damaged in the process.

I love the color orange to the point that my purse, work bag, cell phone case, wallet, work laptop case, portable mouse, notebook, pen, pen pouch, stylus, and headphones are all various shades of orange. It's ridiculous.  But I don't care.

That your chewing will drive me crazy and I have to fight the urge to refrain from choking you.  Misophonia.  It's real.  I have it.  Look it up.

That I exaggerate and can blow things out of proportion.  True story: I got a bug bite on my leg and I panicked for a week straight (clue#1) because I thought I got bit by a brown recluse spider.  Did I go to the doctor or set up an appointment?  Nope.  Did I look up everything on google that clearly indicated that I did not have a gaping, flesh eating bite on my leg (clue #2)?  Yep. Did I still believe that it was a recluse?  You betcha. Not enough of an example?  How about the fact that I got a knot in my neck (probably from sleeping wrong) and I swore up and down that I broke my collar bone.  The thing is that I believed it, even though I knew that I'd done nothing to cause such an injury.  I guess that's the thing...I'm sorry, not sorry that I believe stuff like this even when I know them to be impossible.  

I can admit that I have a small network of friends.  Real friends.  I may be hurt if one of these friendships ends, but I'm sorry, not sorry that I will get over it.   It is a hard part of growing up.  

That I really wish that I had a wand, tiara and cloud of glitter rain to use at my disposal.

That every 28 days or so I will complain about the unfairness and brutal pain that I experience for not being pregnant.  Thats a week of whining, crying, yelling, cramping, eating, munching, sweats wearing that I am not sorry for. (Understand that I am referring to the actions resulting from that week and not the problem itself).

I'm sorry, not sorry to admit that when I meet someone for the first time, I intentionally look at their eyebrows and base my interest in the conversation on said eyebrows.  Shallow?  Not really.  I don't judge that person for their eyebrow grooming skills, or lack there of, it's just that I have a very short attention span and its hard for me to *Squirrel* focus when their eyebrows are erased and drawn on, perfectly arched, or a hotmess.  Once I'm over the shock (good or bad), I can focus on any subsequent conversation.  Flash me your eyebrows before you try to carry a real conversation with me and all will be good.

For wanting a hippo named Franchesca, a pig named Winston, a manatee whale named Marilyn and a a Lynx named Slick Rick.  

I am pretty sure this page will continue on.  So tell me, what are you sorry not sorry for?

February: Selfish, Not Selfish

You are probably wondering what happened to my daily count down.  Well, it wasn't tickling my creative fancy, so I dropped it.  I liked looking back and seeing what occurred over the month of January, but the method of delivery was a bit too white rice and chicken broth for me.

So instead, lets just sum up the month of February with a little Valentines day story:

I call this story: Selfish, Not Selfish.

I like to refer to February as the Hallmark month of love!   Now before anyone jumps down my throat for calling it that, lets get one thing straight...Hallmark isn't the only company making a killing...chocolates, flower shops, leather and lace...red and pink over kill...all of it.  It's big stuff this month.  

Do I find it a little sad and silly?  You betcha.  Am I one of those people that say "you don't need a month to show your love" and "you especially don't need to do it when EVERYONE else is being told to do the same thing."  Oh for sure.  I am one of those people.  Not because I am bitter or "so above it," but rather because I think it is true.  *hold your breath while I become a hypocrite*. I think of Valentines Day as a day that people 1) go out of their way to buy something that is expected ei: flowers, candies, something pink, red and covered in hearts 2) people without a significant other are forced to witness the madness 3) its a red, white and pink version of the "my genitals are bigger than your genitals" equivalent.  Total lame sauce. 

I love chocolates, flowers, cards, letters and all that jazz..but maybe my Taurusism is too strong because I prefer to receive stuff like that when no one else is receiving it.  I want the attention on me...i am not ashamed of being an Attention Whore.  It is who I am.  

*This is when you can stop holding your breath* Now, with all that being said...I ordered chocolate covered strawberries and roses for my husband and had them delivered to his job on two separate days.  Yep.  I sure did.  Why you might ask?  Simple...I wanted to embarrass him with love...and i wanted some Shari's Berries.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Here's the thing, my husband is not one to attract attention.  In fact, he prefers to sit back and blend in with the wall.  He is pretty reserved (for the most part) and gets embarrassed rather easily.  So, what better way than to have chocolates delivered on Thursday and Roses delivered on Friday...to the front desk...at his job...a major Home Improvement Store...that he manages...with over a hundred employees...that he has to pass...in order to put the stuff away...in his office...in the very back of the store.  Totally premeditated and thought out.  I even had some of his employees help me plan.  *you should take note...don't get on my bad side*

Needless to say, my Thursday consisted of UPS refreshing...until I got the "Delivered" notification!  Oh wait...mind you, I was also texting little hints throughout the week...like "I love you Berry much" and "roses are red..."  And "sign, sealed, delivered..."  He never caught on.  Was it cheesy and totally unnecessary?   Absolutely.  Anywho, once I saw that they were delivered...I could not contain my excitement.  *Psycho path tendencies* Then my phone rang and this is the first thing that I heard "seriously!?!  So freakin embarrassing, De'Aura.  Wow.  At my job, too?"  Let me tell you that I laughed for a minute straight.  Little did he know, that was part one of his two part gift.  And just for kicks and giggles (and because I actually did want a chocolate coved strawberry) I wrote a little message on the card "Enjoy! (FYI, only five of the are yours). With love"

That evening, he thanked me and said "I'm just glad you didn't send me flowers."  *insert the most evil laugh you can imagine*. It took everything in me to not break my cover.

Now it's Friday, and I am back at the UPS refresh...refresh....refresh....repeat 5 billion times...and I get a "Delivered" message.  *insert uncontrollable laughter* followed by *ring ring Mr.PSL: This is ridiculous.  Now I have to walk through the building, again, but with a giant box that says ProFlowers on it?!  You are too much."  Week.  Made.

I didn't get to snap a photo of the flowers, and I am kicking myself for being lazy about it.  They were beautiful....lime, coral, lavender, and yellow colored roses.  

So in the end, my " Valentines day is for the unoriginal and easily influenced " tangent was really a two fold event.  One, I got a great laugh from embarrassing my husband with Chocolates and flowers and two, I ate some delicious chocolate covered strawberries and woke up to beautiful springs flowers for a week straight.  Selfish, not selfish...

No radio? No problem.

Let me start off by putting out some good o'l positive energy...my car runs, it is safe (I think), and it gets me where I need to be.  My car is good to me and I will be good to my car.

Phew.  Got that out so I can continue on with the rest of this post.

My car is like a little old lady that has lived a young, beautiful and adventure filled life.  She has gone to concerts, parties, and witnessed a birth or two.  She ate McDonalds at 2 o'clock in the morning with no concern for weight gain.  She has sipped beer, wine and tequila in the same night...and never complained about the after math of that cocktail concoction.  She has been over mountains, through rivers (floods) and valleys.  She has survived snow storms and has tolerated the stings and shatters of rocks and branches.  She is reliable and driven.  And when she was really needed, she was there...no questions asked, no delays or hesitation.

Then, as the years passed, she started to show her age. Years of rolling her top down and allowing the warmth of the sun to beam down on her tan skin has taken its course.  Her once smooth leather skin is now wrinkled and cracked.  Over the years, her cloth covered floors are now permanently stained from her young party days and disrespectful weather.  The sun patches and discoloration, scratches and dents are nothing but scars that held a story more interesting than the next.  Like little photographs of original content.

Ava, my 1995 Toyota Avalon has 194789 miles of love on her.  Fortunately, she err I...we (?) haven't had "major"problems.  I say "major" because some people may consider a broken radio to be a major problem.  That's right, Ava no longer has beats.  We ride in silence.

At first this really bothered me.  I felt a little salty.  I didn't know how to function in a car of silence.  I mean, what do I do (aside from drive)?  What's going to keep me calm while I drive the mean streets and mentally run over half of the drivers that I encounter?  There was no way I could convince the makers of Xanax to create a liquid form that I could put into a drip line...let alone find someone to install the IV and drip.  Life seemed grim and I didn't know how long I could take it.  I loved tuning in to the local station to hear the latest song from some artist that I hated.  *insert major side eye* I really loved when I found a cassette converting thing that I could put into the deck and attach to my iPod.  What!?  Yes.  A cassette deck...with a cord...that I connected to my iPod.  It worked.  I was happy.

Eventually, I started to Depeche Mode and enjoy the silence.  I had time to think, regroup, and focus on my day ahead...or plan for dinner.  I had time to myself and I really enjoyed it.

The interesting part was when Mr. PSL and I took Ava out for a drive.  That was when I learned how much fun a drive could be without the annoyance of someone else telling me how to back that thing up, or some whiney teen singing about a breakup, or girlfriends or calling people, Maybe.  It was peaceful and freakin awesome.  (Notice that I can't even think of a recent song that was played on the radio 9357491385779645591 times in the same hour).

So awesome that Mr. PSL and I started creating games.  Little acts of trivia and what not.  You know how back in the day you would play Slug Bug or I Spy?  Well, we took it up a notch...

Name that movie- say a quote from a movie and the other person has to name the movie that featured the quote.  Bonus points of you can name the actor and scene involved.

Alphabet words - select a theme, then you have to name a word that starts with the corresponding letter.  Example: if the theme is fruit, the first answers could be Apple, Banana, Cantelop etc.

Name that song- pick a word and the other person must come up with a song that uses that word in a lyric.  Ex: The word is Pillow Answer: "(Lay your head on my) Pillow" by Tony!Toni!Tone!.

So if you ever find yourself driving in silence, or have a radio break down on you, get creative and get your brain going.  Break up the mindless music that seems to be on constant repeat.  You can really create a game out of anything.  It's simple, but it keeps things fun and interesting.  Just make it challenging.

No radio, Ava?  No Problem, boo.  I gotcha.

After all that sharing, you may be thinking that Ava seems like a junk of a car that needs to be sold for scraps.  Believe me, I've thought about.  But to me, she is a gas sucking, fluid leaking, skin frying, dimple having vessel of memories.

The best part about Ava is that she is mine.  I know this because her seat no longer adjust...as in it is permanently adjusted for me (Read: the motor died and I can no longer slide, tilt or add lumbar support).  I bet your car won't do that for you.  I guess your car just doesn't love you as much as Ava loves me.  Grab a tissue so you can go cry yourself to sleep.

Here's Ava:

I know, she's a gem. :)

I fell out of the sky!

Disclaimer: This is a post that I made last January (2013) and posted on my previous blog.  The story  was entertaining, so I thought I would relive it and share it in this new space.  Enjoy!!!

As you may recall, my best friend decided to spend her birthday boarding a plane and jumping out of it.  Hella awesome, right?  Yea, well not so much...initially.  I was skerred.  Yes, skerred...that is several blocks into the neighborhood that is riddled with crime scene tape...skerred...I have no business doing this or being here....skerred...I am a grown adult that just might crap her pants and not really care....skerred.  If skerred is not in your dictionary, then you have not lived.  Focus.  So I was skerred.  Despite this, I gave into the peer pressure and hoped into the car as my husband drove us to Out of the Blue Skydiving.

Our drive to our jump site was full of inappropriate discussions.  For instance, I thought it would be a great time to discuss my husbands life insurance policy...rather or not the amount would be sufficient and if dying from skydiving would be considered an accident or suicide.  This was a legitimate questions because some policies will not cover acts of suicide.  He then questioned my policy.  We left that conversation as a To Be Continued. From here, the conversation ventured to bodily functions.  If someone puked, would it smack our instructor in the face, thus making him blind and incapable of navigating the chute?  This would totally send them and their untrained dummy crashing to the ground...covered in puke.  Perhaps, as we are jumping, our "oh shit factor" will kick in and force us to pee on ourselves.  I then wondered if Juan and I should have frozen our eggs and sperm so that the other person could still have a child from the deceased parent.  Yea...just a little weird.  

Once we arrived to our spot, the nerves started to kick in.  Okay, well the nerves were already there, but you get it.  Fortunately, the staff at Out of the Blue Skydiving were so kick assems!  The people love what they do and they make you feel at home...well maybe not at home cause that would be weird, but they definitely make you feel like you stepped into a new world of cool.  I, on the other hand, belong in a museum for the weird and slightly insane, but that's not the point.  All I could do was try and control my uncontrollable nervous giggle.  I giggles when the lady asked for my name.  I giggled when I signed my life away.  I giggled when I met my instructor and I giggled when I asked where the restroom was located...the portable potty out back.  In addition to the giggles, I could not help but ramble whenever someone asked me a question.  My brain just refused to give a straight answer.  "What's your name?" " (giggle) oh my name?  Yes.  My name.  My name is De.  My parents named me after a light on the moon.  Well around it.  But my parents aren't hippies.  Maybe they smoked weed, but I wasn't around to see it.  There are several marajuana dispensers on the way up here.  I should have...do you like cake?  My best friend loves cake.  It's her birthday...my cat is named after Michael Jackson...well kinda..."  Or something along those lines.  

Eventually, we got suited up and pushed to our death.  Okay maybe it wasn't that dramatic.  My husband was suited first.  As we left to board the plane, I realized that I would be devastated if I never got to hug him again.  So I threatened the instructor.  The instructor was so sweet that he promised to keep him alive...cause, well it was his life as well.  I was able to watch my husband free fall out of the plane...it was more of a spec, but whateves.  He was the best looking spec I've ever seen (insert Dory squishy voice) the cutest little spec I've ever seen!  Then he fluttered around as he slowly came to a smooth landing.  The hubs gave me a thumbs up and yelled "F-ing awesome!! That was amazing. $h!t!  Lets do that again, son."  Swear words aren't his style...he leaves that to me.  Such a gentleman.  I will say that those were the sweetest foul words ever muttered. Love.  Any who, he landed and several minutes later, I was boarding a plane with my bestie in tow.  We opted to jump together because I knew that, eventually, her nerves would kick in and we would be on the same "ooh shit" meter.  My husband, however, was "about that life."  Not referencing the prison life or being down to kill someone, but rather brave and down for the cause.  He only kills flies, spiders, ants and other things that crawl...oh wait not kids! Kids crawl.  He won't kill a kid.  He likes kids. Forcus!  So I opted to be in the plane with someone whose ridiculous perspective would not make me beg for a teddy bear and a cozy blanket.  And like a great friend, Sabrina was there!  

Mid way up into the air, she started to break down.  She questioned her judgement, and had a moment of "what the heck have I done!?"  For the first time ever, I was so tempted to flip her off!  I actually put up my fingers and tried really hard to do it, but I just couldn't.  Any who, we a flying.  My instructor, Stephen, begins to tell me everything that I need to know.  The problem is, my brain was going blank.  It just could not process what he was saying.  What I gathered was my feet needed to be on a step (which ended up being like a tight rope), let go of the plane, something about my feet and my hands doing something and kick up.  He was much more thorough, but seriously, my brain had flatline.  The next thing I know is the door is being opened and I can clearly see the wings of the plane (I swear it just appeared.  For all I knew the plane only had 1 wing and that was on the other side of the plane.).  The air was freezing.  I believe it was -10 give or take 20 degrees.  Then Stephen tells me to step out of the plane and on to the tight rope err I mean the step.  Um...excuse me?  WTFrick?  Have you, Stephen, seen that step?  It is outside of the plane...hovering over the ground...in the air...clearly the safety net is missing.  At this point, things get blurry.  I remember putting my foot out on the step and trying to align my feet to fit perfectly on the tight rope..you know so that I wouldn't fall or anything.  In the mean time, I am casting my prints into the door of the plane.  Then something happens and my hands let go and I realize that I am no longer standing.  I tripped!  I frickin tripped...no...no wait, I am falling!  Ahahaha!  I remember wondering if Stephen...my instructor...the guy that had the chute...the only person who knew where to land and how to land and how to navigate the air and stuff...wondering if he made it out of the plane with me.  I mean, after all, I did just fall out and from what I remember he was supposed to be strapped on my back.  But for some reason, I could not feel anything.  I couldn't even feel my body.  

The free fall is like nothing that I have ever experienced.  It is indescribable.  I mean, have you ever been a bird?  Have you ever had wings to flap and a wing span to glide? Unless you are the Phoenix.  No?  That sucks.  Use your imagination, okay?  You have no way of understand this weightless, floating, but exhilarating feeling. 

Eventually, I realized that Stephen didn't just abandon me,  he was where he was supposed to be...suspended on my back.  The only time that I have ever given a man a piggyback ride and no I am not a pig. Thanks for asking.  At some point, I remember telling myself that I need to enjoy this experience.  As soon as the thought crossed my mind, the chute was opened and I was floating.  We swirled, flirted with the wind and the air, dancing a little jig of foolish gravity defying romance.  It was amazing.  The view was breath taking.  I was living.  

We landed and I could not wait to squeeze my husband and thank my friend.  After all, it was her crazy idea.  I thanked her for being so irresponsible and foolish.  I thanked her for pushing me.  I thanked her for the unspeakable message that I received...life is to be lived. I had lived.  

We finished the day with some cheap hole in the wall old fashion burgers, an unsuccessful hunt for cupcakes, a well over due nap and dinner at an upscale small bites restaurant.  I celebrated my friends life, while challenging the mundane life that I was living...

The sky is falling

Disclaimer: This is a post that I made last January (2013) and posted on my previous blog.  The story  was entertaining, so I thought I would relive it and share it in this new space.  Enjoy!!!

The sky is falling! Oh wait, that's just me...

Have you ever broke out in a complete sweat, and been on the verge of a breakdown with a heart attack looming in the background? No? Well, let me bring you into my world.  

I am the type of person that is usually "down for the cause."  I am willing to try anything once and I will not be the one to ruin the fun for everyone else.  I do, however, try to avoid things that will require an insurance deductible, will cause permanent body disfigurement(key word is disfigurement), or cause death or stoning.  I like my life and I am thankful for every moment that I am allowed to relish in its awesomeness. I don't feel the need to play Russia Roulette with my life...I can't even play poker.

With that disclaimer out of the way, let me get to my nervous breakdown. My best friend is slowly approaching her *beep* (I can't tell you the year because she will kill me) birthday.  Being the friend that I am, I asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday.  She responded with this "great idea..." board a plane, strap on a parachute, jump out of the plane and land on the ground...in one piece. Yes, diving out of the sky toward the solid ground with just a parachute to "save" us.  What the hell kind of tomfoolery is that? Sounds like it breaks several rules for life preservation.  

Conveniently, she found a group coupon deal that offered this life altering, sky crashing event at a discounted price.  My husband, who is just as ridiculous as my friend, was all for it.  They were both ready to purchase.  I, however, was not.  I broke out in a complete sweat.  When I say "complete sweat" I mean EVERY membrane that has a sweat gland was pouring. I was in a state of shock.  I could not determine if I wanted to cut the ish out of them, demand that my mom cuddle me and make this nightmare go away or pack my ish up and leave...permanently.  All I knew is that the thought of purchasing the tickets was just too much...mind you my brain was too clogged to even process the actual a skydive. 

I decided to take a few days to clear my head, remove the thoughts of violence and try to get excited about this ridiculousness.  I stumbled across some sites that explained that the "free fall" portion of the jump will only last 40seconds. Ive cussed someone out for longer than 40seconds.  With my new found info, I could not wait to tell my bestie about my revelation.  Then, this heffa has the nerve to completely splatter my happy bubble by telling me that she found out that the free fall is only 40 seconds, but then the parachute opens and you float in the air for about 5 minutes before you actual land.  O_o what in the hell is she talking about?  What 5 minutes of float time is she talking about?  The site said 40 seconds of free fall and then you are on the ....whoa. Is she telling me that this sky falling crap is broken up into free fall and floating?  Ohhh hell naw (yes, naw). At this point I am in a full on fit of contradictions.  I am fitting a giggle seizure, two seconds away from the ugly snot face cry, sweating like the butt crack of an olympic runner, and trying to breath...with emphysema. My brain has completely shut down and all I can think of is swirling above the ground like a defective pendulum.

(I wish I could insert a sound feature that will say a bunch of F bombs)

Would you believe me if I said that buried underneath the layers of "what the hell," next door to the "oh hell naw," and two degrees away from the "fuck this bullshit" metro is a tiny, 5second rule twinge of excitement? Let me clarify.  That excitement, similar in diameter to a human skin cell, is looking forward to the view from 15k feet in the air. It will truly be an experience.  I will be sure to fill you in on the amount of vomit that was spewed and how many bottle of vodka I needed to get on the plane.  

Have you been skydiving? Did you live to tell about it...oh wait.

Days of Pretty Street Love Days 12-16

Day 12- Holy mother of more football!  The Niners won and the Broncos won!!  I mean, of course they won.  But things just got complicated.  If the Broncos beat the Patriots, which I sure as hell hope they do, and the Niners beat the Seahawks...It will be the best SuperBowl Ever!  But truly, how does one enjoy the Super Bowl when both of your teams are playing?  On another note that is fairly unrelated...but involves a bacon, so it's obviously just as important... I baked some bacon chocolate chip cookies for my husband and his friends to munch on while they watched the games.  The cookies, of course, were a hit.  Have you ever had Bacon Chocolate Chip cookies?  No?  Well, follow this recipe..I added 4 more pieces of bacon, cause, well...it's bacon.  Bake them.  Eat them.  Now listen closely...you hear that?  Those are the bacon Cherubs sing you the glorious song of their people.  

Day 13- I worked at a local coffee shop and sipped on a extra dirty chia lattes.  It was glorious.  There is something so wonderful about a small, cozy coffee shop.  I am so fortunate to work somewhere that allows me to choose My work environment.  Added bonus, it was a windy day and I watched the leaves flirt and dance with the wind.  There is something so magical about it.  Surreal almost.

Day 14- my husband and I went out for a margarita!  Unfortunately, the margarita was meh, the Mexican food was meh, but the Mexican that sat across from me was one hot tamale!  Wow, that was cheesy...yes I can be cheesy.  I prefer to be Brie...ya know, soft, kinda gooey, a little nutty, but pairs well with fruit and wine?  And it doesn't smell.  I don't smell.  Actually, I smell like lemon pound cake (smelling of baked goods is an obsession of mine).  Oh and Brie grows fungus Iike no ones business...I don't do that either.  

Day 15-  one of the things that I love best about my husband is that he isn't perfect, but he makes it a point to listen.  The last few months have been emotionally draining for us and I've been on the verge of several break downs...actually, I've broken down. I've cried a lot.  But my husband has listened.  So, on this day, we went out to lunch and we planned a mini weekend vacation!  Yes!  I can't wait to spend some much needed time away.  I love going to different places and spending a few days being a tourist.  I can't wait for this trip.  We are keeping it low key...short, sweet, and blissful.

Day 16- Interesting day for sure!  The Lover lost his keys. .. to the truck, to the house, to his job!?!  He is a hot stuff store manager and pretty much lost the key to the whole building. After two hours of searching,  he finally found them on top of a refrigerator of all places.  So he needed a drink after that fiasco.   Do I need to go through the grapes to wine and lemons with  tequila thing again?  Any who,  while sipping on some hops,  this sweet old lady came up to me and said "I just love your hair. "  Not going to lie, hair compliments never get old.  And on another note I got to chat it up with my bestie. I live an adventures love tale vicariously through her.  Sometimes all the heart needs is a nice chat with its counterpart.

I've decided that this daily log thing could be more entertaining if I actually included pictures.  Maybe a photo of the actual event that made my day...

Guess I need a camera for that or just brush up on my camera phone skills.  Meh, in time.

Days of Pretty Street Love 17-28

Day 17-  my job has a set meeting every Friday morning.  During these meeting, we have a little session call "Kudos for you."  It's pretty much a fun way for each coworker to write a note recognizing something that another coworker did.  This week, I received a kudos card from a fellow coworker.  The funny thing is that the jar contains about 30 cards and of all the cards that I pulled out, I picked the card that was for me!  It was weird.  But reading the words out loud really made me blush.  The card read "De'Aura received a weeks notice to create and present a training on Guardianship.  Not only did she rise to the challenge, but the training went better than imagined!  She received more praise than any other presentation!  She was a life saver and a game changer!"  Woot...talking about make this chocolate girl turn red.

Day 18- Here

Day 19-  The worse game ever...Niners lost to the Seahawks, which means that the Seahawks will be playing the Broncos in the Super Bowl.  I'm a little salty about it, but whatever.  I'll live.  As my husband has been saying...there's always next year.

Day 20-  My husband received free tickets to the Air Force vs. Wyoming Basketball game.  We headed out and had so much fun!  The game was pretty good, considering, but overall we had a great time.  Such a fun way breaking up the week and getting in a free date night!

Day 21-  The sweetest moment of the month goes to my client "flower."  I've met Flower about 3 times, which really isnt enough to make an impression, so I thought.  Well, when I walked in to the donut and coffee social that she attends, I saw this little lady waiving frantically and jumping up and down in her seat.  The look on her face was absolutely priceless.  She was so elated to see me.  Her smile, her hug, her frantic attempt to get my attentions...all enough to bling out my day.

Day 22- I wanted a donut So Bad.  Just a glazed donut.  Just one donut!  Ugh!  The craving is real and I know that the donut will go straight to my belly..or ass...or both, but still.  I just want a donut.  So instead, I ate a salad.  Wamp, wamp.  But my salad was pretty...greens, reds, whites, yellows, oranges...and my husband made it, so...

Day 23- Let's face it, my clients are the Shiznit! Period.  During one of my meetings, my client "Maw" was a riot.  I mean, seriously.  I could barely get through the meeting.  I cried no less than 5 times from all of the hilarious things that she said.  My job can be emotionally draining, but right when I think that I can't handle another moment of emotional sadness, a client like "Maw" enters my life right on queue.  It's just glorious.  And I am so thankful that I have the heart to work with my clients.  I mean, even though my client couldn't tell you what to do in case of an emergency, she can tell you 100 of uses for an onion...no joke.  There's a lot.  And she will tell you every single one.  911...not so much.

Day 24- I'll be honest, I have a love hate relationship with the snow.  I mean, it is gorgeous!  Its like fluffy, glittery pillows of marshmallow angel dust.  Its like the heavens are gracing us with fairy dust...cold, frozen, fairy dust.  Which brings me to the hate.  It is freaking cold, wet and just makes walking a hazard.  It is not made for people who are still learning to walk.  Don't judge.  I am clumsy...I'm still learning the basics of standing on two feet.  So, back to the pretty of the day...it was relaxing.  I watched the grounds turn white as I snuggled up in some blankets.  Then my hubs and I rented The Butler and Fast and Furious 6000.  The Butler was amazing and definitely worth the hype.  Fast and Furious was meh.  Not bad, but predictable.  The eye candy totally made up for it.

Day 25- I love to cook.  I really, really, really love to cook.  It is so therapeutic.  The best part about it is that my husband also loves to cook!  He is learning how to pair flavors and create a balanced meal.  I'll give credit to Chopped, because it has really helped him embrace food, favors, textures and colors.  Anywho, we decided that we would prepare our meals for the week...breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Ambitious?  Yep!  Great way to bound?  Absolutely!  It was so fun chopping, shredding, grilling, sautéing and tasting!  Plus, it gave us more time to have our morning coffee!  

Day 26- Church, Church, Church!  I'll admit, I took a long break from church and I've noticed such a huge change in myself...and it hasn't been for the better.  Before my spouse and I headed out, we stopped off at Dutch Bros for a little morning coffee.  *swoon* There is something so delicious about a warm cup of coffee that is perfectly brewed and handed to you right when you pull up.  Seriously, I go to this drive up so much that my coffee is ready when I pull up to the window.  No shame.  I am that special.  It's like the non alcoholic version of Cheers...everybody knows my name.  Thanks, Ryan, for my medium Americano with salted caramel and cream.  Yum!  

Church was so beautiful.  It felt so warm and loving to be back at home.  My heart was warm and so ready to feel and hear The Word.  

Day 27 - I read a quote this morning that said "See the light in others and treat them as if that is all you see."  What a beautiful and powerful way to start my Monday.  I've had the deepest honor of working with people who have such a beautiful light.  These are people that others may see as imperfect, disfigured, mentally challenged, or just plan old subhuman.  The words hurt to write and they may hurt to read.  Those words are not mine, but they are the words that I've heard when used to describe the people that Ive chosen to surround my heart with.  I love them because they are beautiful.  I love them because they have more love to offer.  I love them because they are worth all of my love and more.  I bask in their light and it truly makes my life whole.  I challenge you to see the light in others.  And I challenge you to treat them as though that is all you see.  

Day 28- I always say that I can handle a stressful job, but I can't work in a stressful environment.  Which is why I am so blessed to have a job that allows and encourages a positive work environment.  So much so that they set up a whole day dedicated to pampering their employees.  I am talking massages, yoga and medication classes, spa prizes, chocolate, food and good old positive energy.  It was so nice and much appreciated!

Boulder up in heyaa!!

Day 18-

Ever wake up one morning and decide that you are going to scratch your plans and just run out of town?  I sure hope you said yes.  If you said no, than...put it on your F it Bucket list.  Great.

Well, thats exactly what Juan and I did.  We woke up...actually I was already awake because I have insomnia, but Juan woke up, rolled over...eyes still slightly closed and breath of stale morning...said " Let's go to Boulder."  Bam!  Just like that, our Saturday was booked.  I jumped up, did my morning hotness routine and packed a bag.  I didn't know what we would be doing, but really that was just a small detail.

We headed out, grabbed some Dutch Bros Coffee (get on that if you have a Ditch Bros in your hood), grabbed a breakfast burrito and took the road less travelled.  Okay, "less travelled" is a bit of a stretch, but seriously, the route we took was totally the scenic route.  It was gorgeous.  Colorado is just so damn pretty.  It truly is.

I wish I would have taken a few photos of the skyline and gorgeous snow capped mountain views, but I was lost in the moment.  You will live.

After a couple of hours on the road, we made it to our destination...well...we made it to Boulder.  Hotel was booked on Hotwire just moments before we pulled in, and we still had no idea what kind of trouble to get into.  Yet, it was so exciting that I truly didn't care if we sat on a bench and people watched.  Tell me you partake in the ancient game of people watching? Woo, ever want a laugh?  Watch some people.  It's like a free zoo, but far more entailing and a mammal is bound to pick their nose, try to mate, and look like a baboon.  It's fun.

After we checked in, we hit up a few Breweries.  I mean seriously, it's Boulder.  One must go on a brewery tour and drink Beer if you are in Boulder.  It is the law.  We hit up Upslope, Avery and Boulder Brew.  I'm not going to pin any of these awesome breweries against each other, cause really that would be a waste of time.  Delicious beer is delicious beer...lager, Wheat ale, IPA, Porter, Stout etc...if it is delicious than, it is delicious.  Period.  

This little guy was at Avery Brewery.  He is missing his teeth, this the tongue.  He was so sweet and cute in that "only a mother could live him" type of way.  His name was Puggsly.  Fitting right?

 Cheers with our taster glasses!

After some beer drinking and lounging like a local, we hit up The Sink for a devious meal.  The Sink was featured on Guys Triple D.  With all the hype, we had to get their famous burger and cowboy Reuben.  Delicious.  All. Of. It.  The restaurant/bar just oozed of delicious late night buzz sobering skip that 7 AM class to hang with your friends too cool for college vibe.  I'm well past those days, but it was nice to still fit in and reminisce about my broke college days.  *sigh*

 

I really wish I would have taken a better photo of this door.  It was pretty cool.

 Some cool art work that covered the walls at The Sink.

On the other walls, patrons were allowed to graffiti up the space.  Totally made it feel personable and fun!

My husband is a stalker.

After dinner, the fine man that I married and I walked around downtown...freezing our asses off...and made our way down some sketchy stairs and found ourselves at an old arcade bar.  Oh. My. Word.  Heaven! I am THAT girl who loves playing video games.  And this place was full of old school stuff...Ms. PACMAN, Tron (freakin Tron!!!), Astrode, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat...and a giant Jenga!  I sipped my whiskey sour while Juan and I got down on that Street Fighter game. 

We eventually made our way back to our hotel (we got lost, but really if you have no direction and end up somewhere, than you aren't lost and the route really wasn't unintended...your just sight seeing.

Boulder is full of so many cute shops and restaurants.  I mean, I probably passed no less than eight bookstores.  I am a sucker for an old bookstore...that slightly musky wood and mold smell, the allure of beautifully colored covers, curved shapely structures.  I just love books and I am glad that people have the time to open up a store dedicated to old collected books.

I think the best part about this trip was that we didn't have any plans.  No expectations means that anything and everything that is done is like a mini party.  No disappointments, just going with the flow and letting the road direct your next adventure.

Have you planned a spontaneous weekend get away?  What's you favorite memory from that trip?

Frozen and a night on the town

Day 11-

Today was so incredible.  It all started on Friday after I had one of the most trying weeks ever.  Not really the way I pictured how my 2014 would start, but whatever.  God gives us lemons, and I just squeeze them into some tequila...he also gives us grapes...I drink wine.  Same deal.

Anywho, the week had some pit falls...I mean I had two mornings of just pure emotional chaos.  My car wouldn't start.  I locked my keys in the said car.  I almost killed myself (twice) by tripping over the dog gate.  I dropped my binder full of paper all over the snow.  I spilled hot, delicious, sacred caffeine  (Chicory coffee) on my pants and sweater...in my car...that has leather seats...yea my ass was wet for a while.  There were some other things sprinkled between there, but that's not the point of this post.  The point is...my mother is better than your mother.  That's just a fact.

After a couple of emotional mornings, my mom called me up and said "hey!  Lets go see Frozen!"  Now, mind you, I've been wanting to see this movie for ever! I love Disney...I'm not all crazy Disney obsessed or anything like that, but I am 28 and I freakin enjoy Disney.  My mom is the same way...Obviously, she is not 28.  We've often said things like "dang, I wish I had a kid to take with me to go see (insert some Disney princess or Pixar film)." 

Being the awesome mother that she is, she took her child.  Me.  Did I mention that I am 28 years old? I'm still her kid.  Fact.  So we planned it.

Saturday morning rolled around and I got up early..ish and headed out to pick her up (perk of having an adult kid I guess) and we headed to the theatre in the city.  We got our popcorn...and hold on a second.  What the hell is up with concession stand prices!?!.  Holy mother of 1100 calories of kernel!  Seriously!?  My mom bought the tickets, which were $12.50 and I got stuck with the Medium popcorn, and two large drinks for $21.00.  Ridiculous!

Anywho we got our seats and enoyed ourselves some Frozen.  Super cute movie.  The singing was a bit much for us, but overall the story, graphics, characters and such were really cute.  We even gasped at a few parts...them boys are sneaky ;).  Overall, the movie will be in my collection.

After the movies, we headed out to do some shopping.  Actually, she was shopping, I was just joining to fantasize about shopping.  She ended up not buying anything, so we made our way back to our town to have some lunch at Rasta Pasta.

Rasta Pasta is probably the best fusion I've ever had.  It is Jamaican meets Italian meets...I don't know, but it all comes together so beautifully!  It was my moms first time there, so she had to get the signature dish...Rasta Pasta....clever, right?  The pasta is quite possible the best thing ever.  It is spicy, tomato-y, onion-ie and Jerky-ish.  All college level descriptions, I assure you.  It is just the best thing that has ever happened to pasta. 

Like that red stripe in the background?

After that, I made sure that she ordered the Banana's Marley.  Imagine carmalized bananas in a rum infused Carmel sauce served over fresh vanilla bean ice cream?  It sounds like heaven, right?

Look at those bananas swimming in caramel rum goodness...

Yea, baby!!  Grace those mounds of vanilla bean ice cream...

It taste like heaven too!

You know, I should probably post pictures of this stuff, right?  But I suppose I should probably take pictures worthy of posting.  *sigh*. I'll add that to my "To-Do" list.

Look.  I added some photos.   Not the best, but whatever.   I don't profess to be a photographer, okay, Judgie McJudgerson.  That is a statement,  not a question. 

Following this fun filled day,  I got home and the hubby decided that we were going to head to the city (two city trips in one day is just what I need...on the daily).  Our friend Kristen turned 29 and was celebrating it downtown.  So we had to go.  When I tell you that God has put people in your life, I truly believe that.  More on that at a later date.

Any who, our friend Chloe had reserved a Penthouse suit for the celebration.  Our other friend RhiRhi (thats not her name, but I've been calling her that since forever, so it might as well be her name) made a cotton candy flavored cake that was just too good for words.  I mean...cake and cotton candy...together!?! Yes, please and thank you!

After some chatting, catching up and pre-party, we all headed out to Southern Hospitality for dinner.  That's Justin Timberlakes restaurant in case you were wondering.  The food was delicious as were the drinks!   Southern Hospitality truly lived up to its name and hype.  I ordered the Chicken and Waffles which were yummy and I washed that down with this grapefruit vodka, cranberry, simple syrup and lime creation called Southern Wildfire...I had more than one, trust me.  

The hubs ordered a plate that had every farm animal represented. ..ribs, brisket, chicken and mac n cheese.  

See what I mean?  I think we are missing a goat.

Why are chicken and Waffles so freakin good!?

I can only imagine what is brewing in our stomachs right now.

We will be doing a detox this coming week.

Aside from that, the best part was being with my girlfriends.  It was nice.  That night made me realize that I've been holding back on making and developing new and lasting friendships.  Not anymore!   

Do you have people in your life that you realize could and should be more than just an occasional side fling?  I challenge you to take the time to develop those friendships and see where you are in year.  

Days of Pretty Street Love 6-10

Fortunately, my life continued on... 

6. This was a rough day, but I rejoiced in the fact that I was able to live it and get through it!

7. Some random person told me that my hair was amazing!  So I did what any girl would do...I fluffed it and said "oh, really?  Thank you! *wink*" I had some extra pep in my step today!  Also, the daughter of a family friend posted "The two coolest and most amazing people that I know are Dee Lemus (me) and Mr. B.  Dee's husband is the luckiest guy ever."  If that doesn't make you feel good,  then you aren't getting the point of life.  I am pretty sure I teared up... and rubbed it in my husband's face.

8. Went to a local brewery with my husband and some friends!  It was so awesome to be out on a weeknight.  Ha.  Plus, one of my friends and I "played" like four games of shuffle board before some nice fellow came over and told us that we were playing it all wrong...not only were we throwing the pieces upside down, but we were pretty much chucking them across the board.  He was so nice about it and didn't make us feel too bad.

9. One of the hardest days of my life. Friendships morph, but love remains.  Once a friend, always a friend.  I'll leave it at that. :).  Wait, I need to add that my Vera Bradley work bag is so perfect.  The pattern reminds me of San Juan Capistrano...one of my favorite places to go in California.  

10. I deactivated my Facebook account.  I am so happy that I did!  On top of that, one of my really good friends called me to chat.  The amazing thing about friendships is that you can go days, weeks, years even without talking, but as soon as that connection is made again, it is as though time never passed.  Unconditional friendship is one of the most amazing things I've experienced.  Susie Q, you really are the happiest, most positive realist that I have ever met.  I am sooo blessed to have you in my life.  Truly.  Words cannot express how much you mean to me.  That call was right on time.  Love you, Susie Q!  You can read more about my thoughts being my deactivation Here.

Yea know, I don't like this format.  It's boring and way too structured and blah.  I'll have to come up with a better way to communicate my day without sounding soo...um...blah.  I'll work on that in the next few weeks.

Days of Pretty Street Love 1-5

Jumping right off of my last post.

When I was trying to reflect on the things that happened last year, I only remember about five great things...maybe.  That's pretty freaking sad when you think about it.  I know, for a fact, that I breathed in and lived out some beautiful events.  So much shenanigans, but none of it means anything if I can't remember them.  These are memories that may have made the difference between a smile and a tear...or an embarrassing story.

Here's what I do remember...

I went sky diving and survived.

I left a job that I loved, to work somewhere that promoted mental health.  I was afraid to leave my job and the clients that I served, but I've developed a new love and passion for my current clients.

With in this new job,  I've met some awesome people and I'm working to develop some new friendships!

I went to New Orleans- I'll have to write about that one day.

My Husband turned 30!

My Husband and I celebrated another year of a loving marriage.

That's it. That's 2013 in a nutshell, and yet, I know that there were so many wonderful things that happened.  Realizing that I've lost time, and precious moments, makes me feel like I didn't value those events.  Which, for the record, is not true.  I just suck at memory games.

Oh wait!   My brother got engaged!!  How could I forget that?  I've waited years for him to find "The One."  Years!!

So for 2014, I am going to make it a point to notice all the pretty things that are going on around me.  From nature to random acts of kindness.  From awesome outfits to little quotes of greatness.  From hang outs to spectacular nights in...I am going to notice.  I am going to write it down.  And I am going to remember it. So prepare yourself for some journal style writing (drawn out stories that are probably irrelevant to you, but hopefully still interesting enough to read)

It is now January 15, which means that 15 days of this year have already gone by.  I have some catching up to do. I'll break this up a bit, since it can get lengthy...and because I am all out of snarky and witty things to say. Shall we get this ball Rollin or what?!

1. Rang in the new year with money in my pocket, love in my heart and champagne in my glass!

2. Celebrated my 10 year anniversary with my husband!  Granted, we haven't been married for 10 years, but we try to do something small to acknowledge the milestones.  We relished in the day that he asked me to be his girlfriend...and that was awesome!

3.Had a little happy hour social with my bestie and mom right before I drove the bestie to the airport to catch her flight to the Dominican Republic!  Love those ladies.

4. No anniversary dinner for this girl, just the Playoffs at Buffalo Wild Wings!!!  And that was my choice!  Yea, I am THAT wife who is THAT cool.  I love the playoffs because that means there is football on Saturday AND Sunday!  Plus the waitress at BWW messed up our order, so the hubs and I got 20 wings, French fries and fried pickles for free!!  No, we didn't eat it all.  Dont judge.  Trust me, we tried.  We just washed it down with some seasonal Drafts!  Can't complain. 

Our BWW anniversary mug shot

5. More Football!  The Niners beat the Packers and the world was put back in order!  Woo, that game was so good, stressful and tense, but good none the less!  Needless to say, we are Niner fans (we also love the Broncos when they arent playing the Niners) in this house and that game made us scream and shout!  On to those kitties (panthers).  On another note, my bestie turned 30!  I wasn't there to celebrate it with her, but I know that she was having a blast!

Still with me?  

So, we broke up.

"Encourage others and cheer for them. – Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for those who are making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Be thankful for their blessings, openly.  What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you." - Mark Chernoff.

It's been several years since the first day it all started.  Rumors circled around campus and everyone seemed to know all about it.  I didn't.  I was late.  I didn't really care, either.  I held out and continued my romance somewhere else.

Then I grew up.  I, too, wanted to have my own love affair.  I wanted what everyone else had and I was determined to figure out how it all worked.  That was 2008 and that was the year that I joined Facebook.

I was hooked.  I posted.  I took pictures.  I "liked" like a liking fiend.  I commented and I replied.  I enjoyed it.  It was fun.  (Keeping the language simple today).  One thing I never took part in was the whole "poking" thing.  To this day I don't understand that, but whatever.  Any who, I enjoyed Facebook like the next person.

Until, one day...a few weeks ago...something happened.  I can't tell you the exact moment, but there was a very clear and defining moment that made me realize that Facebook was no longer fun.  I resented it.  I was growing angry.  The things that I loved...seeing families, seeing friends create their own families, watching people graduate, take vacations etc...it was all just brutal...ugly, dark, hurtful and just plan old brutal.  I realized that it wasn't Facebook that had changed.  It was me.  I had changed.  Somewhere in the valleys and roads travelled, I got lost.  Me.  Dee.  The happy, loving, funny, snarky, positive girl was lost in a cloud of darkness.  Sure there were days of sunshine, but overall, it was dark.  I realized that the things that I was going through in my personal life were clouding the joy and love that I felt for so many people.  I didn't like it.  In fact, I hated it.  I hated the crinkle in my eyes.  I hated my perched up lips.  I hated the heaviness in my heart.  Everyone was so happy and I just couldn't be happy with them, for them or on my own.  Trust me, it hurts to say that.

So, we broke up.

After thinking about all of this and realizing that I was becoming too biter for my own liking, I decided to take one last look at all the lovely photos and say good bye.  I was surprised at how easy and comfortable it felt.  Well, that is until people started commenting on my "Good-Bye" post.  I felt so much love from friends and acquaintances.  People acknowledging that, at some point, one of my many post had some affect on them.  That was nice.  It made me smile.  In that moment I took it as strength and smiled back.  I was grateful that someone found something that I said to be enjoyable.  Lovely.  Truly, lovely.

So now starts the days of being without the social connection that I once depended on.  Now I will have to make the effort to connect with the people that I love...and hopefully make new and long lasting connections.  I will also have time to be in the moment and recreate the joy that my life once felt.  Don't get me wrong, I have a lot to be happy about...my family, my wonderful husband, friends, my life, my future, love...deep and unconditional love.  I am blessed to have that and I realize that despite my personal judgements, I am in a good place.  I am grateful that my spirit is strong enough to recognize when the heart needs a break.  I am grateful.  And with that, I am blessed.

For now, I will be living in the moment.  I will take this time to appreciate what is going on.  I will find that happy girl and I will make sure that she never gets lost again.  Maybe staple her name and return address on her forehead...you know in case she decides to skip town again.

I am going to make it a point to find something wonderful about each and every day.  I suppose that's what most people do when they end a long term relationship right?  

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